help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
