like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
