she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
