its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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