Got a toothbrush?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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