This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
