Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
