I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
