last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
