Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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