Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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