and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
