Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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