p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
