Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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