i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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