Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
