This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
