I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
