I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
