I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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