i already hear my dad disowning me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Panties = found
Randomize
