Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's paint friendship bongs
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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