Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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