my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
