its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
