I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
