Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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