Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
