forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
