my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
