I feel great
I just peed on a car
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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