just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
