my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
