Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
