also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
