***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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