this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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