I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
