we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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