I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
