he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how drunk are you?
Several
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