Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
