glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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