I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
