I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
