If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize