Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
