okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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