I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
