ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
