you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
