Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
