Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize