Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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