Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize