i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Randomize
