The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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