I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
