I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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