I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
