I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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